A Double-Edged Sword
by Tough-Blossom
Summary: Hatred had driven Sasuke for so long, and while the rest of the world begins to forgive him, he cannot forgive himself. But while on the path of redemption, he reawakens a stronger, more dangerous emotion, especially for an Uchiha: Love. Post-Chapter 699. ON A BREAK, COMING BACK IN MID-FEBRUARY!
1. Under the Same Sky

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. **_

_**A/n: November 23/24, 2014- Well I got an idea. SasuSaku this time. Yeah, I never thought I'd actually get a chance to write one of these, but since the manga ended and they became canon, I made up a scenario in my head as to how that happened. This ship has sparked my interest and I want to see how this piece works out! So now I get to try this, hope I succeed in doing this pairing justice! Here I go! **_

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><p>It was quiet. A little cold as well, as one would expect in the early winter. The leaves on the surrounding trees rustled in response to wind. And the young man resting up against one of the tree trunks, with his eyes closed and his body relaxed, took it all in. It was all so peaceful, something that he was still not very used to. It could be almost frightening to him at times. His life had been so chaotic; the hatred in his heart had put a blindfold over his eyes for too long.<p>

And when he, Sasuke, thought of all of that, he found himself shuddering. He had messed up big time. No, that was an understatement. Normal people could mess up big time in their lives. He was far from a normal. He would spend the rest of his life making up for it. And it didn't matter if he had been pardoned or not, he knew that meant absolutely nothing. A pardon was nothing more than a public acceptance of his apology from the village higher ups. He knew it would be years, possibly decades, maybe even centuries before he could be forgiven.

And he was right. The only reason he was forgiven in Konoha was because his former sensei was the Hokage and because his best friend had given a few good words. He didn't have it good anymore. In all the other villages, he was met with an attitude similar to that of the Konoha villagers' towards Naruto in their early years.

He didn't mind that much actually. Their anger and resentment was completely justified. He'd done some extremely heinous things, and once again he didn't expect to be forgiven. How could he? He couldn't even find it in him to forgive himself.

And seeing just how forgiving his teammates had been, the weight of the guilt only grew heavier. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. It was nice being away from people and towns for nice. No one could bother him; no one could grit their teeth or glare at him. And though he was used to it, it was still nice not to have to see it all the time.

Now he was beginning to realize that there were probably only 3 people in this whole world that would ever smile for him or even be happy to see him. He still couldn't understand why, he'd hurt them the worst.

There was Naruto, his best friend. Sasuke sighed at the thought of him. How many times had he tried to kill him? He'd lost count now. But even then, he had an annoying habit of never giving up on him. He'd always had his back, even when he didn't deserve it. But one thing that he never let falter was his faith that he would succeed in bringing Sasuke back. Sasuke was glad for it now but back then…everything he had done just made his stomach turn uncomfortably.

Then there was Kakashi. His sensei was never one to express strong emotions, but it was pretty clear that he was equally if not more hurt by Sasuke's actions. Kakashi had been the closest thing to a father since his clan's massacre.

And then, last but not least, there was Sakura. The thought of her made Sasuke open his eyes. It was easy for him to discern his relationship with the other two. But with Sakura, well it wasn't black and white at all. His feelings for her were just…he couldn't really describe it. He definitely cared for Sakura. She was dear and precious to him.

But the tricky part was how she felt about him. She still loved him and he couldn't fathom why. Out of all the men that could possibly hold Sakura's affections, he was the least deserving. He didn't even deserve to be a possible candidate and yet, Sasuke remained the only man in her heart. Sakura wasn't a stupid girl, she already had so much experience feeling the pain that loving him would bring, and no one knew it better than her. But that didn't stop her from asking him if she could join him on his road for redemption.

He wasn't going to pretend that he loved her too. Not because she didn't hold his interest, she definitely did, but because he didn't know how capable of loving someone he was. It had been a long time since he'd ever felt any form love. Hatred had been the ruling factor in his life for so long; he'd forgotten how to feel anything else.

But was it a possibility? Maybe in the distant future, when he had forgiven himself for everything that he had done, but it didn't seem very likely. But the selfish part of him hoped that Sakura would wait for him to return. That was probably a reason that he had poked her on the forehead, only something that Itachi had done to him. There were other reasons probably, but he didn't know. He hadn't quite figured out why he had done it either. He could only imagine how confused Sakura was about it. But he couldn't let that part rule him over him, he wasn't deserving of her or anyone right now.

He grimaced and groaned at the turn of his thoughts. This happened almost every night. He would think about every crime and atrocity that he had committed as a part of his atonement, but then his thoughts would take a turn to his genin team, and then his teammates. Ultimately how much he wanted to be with them and more than a few times, he would look to the direction of Konoha.

He looked up at the sky. It was a clear night, kind of rare for this time of the year in the area he was in. The moon was full and the stars were burning bright. He stared at it in utter awe like a small child.

This was one of the things that he had overlooked. He couldn't really believe that. His teammates probably looked up at the sky on a regular basis without really thinking twice about it. And then at that thought he frowned. They had once again invaded his thoughts, as they always did. He exhaled deeply before looking back at the sky.

He wondered what everyone else was doing at this point. He could imagine. Kakashi was probably swamped in paperwork, being the Hokage and what not. The thought made Sasuke chuckle inwardly. Naruto was probably at Ichiraku's, eating bowl after bowl of ramen. No matter what changed about Naruto, his love and addiction towards ramen would never change. Once again, he chuckled. Then his thoughts once again turned to Sakura.

What was she doing? Probably getting off of a shift at the hospital or perhaps she was already home. He didn't know. He knew her a little less than he knew the others, so what she was up to was a point of curiosity. It bothered him so much that he thought about her this much. It couldn't possibly be healthy. But as he looked up at the sky, he couldn't help but wonder if she was gazing up at the stars too…

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><p>Sakura fell back on her bed. Her days had become even more exhaustive as she started to get more shifts at the hospital. Just because the war was over, the number of sick and injured shinobi seemed to go up every day. Most of them were training accidents and the injuries were almost always minor. But sometimes there were those who had injuries from the war who had never fully recovered, those were tougher. Missions stayed the same, although A-rank and S-rank missions were all but gone these days. Rather than finding it boring, Sakura enjoyed it. It was nice that things were peaceful for once.<p>

But it was nice to be in the comfort of her own bed. It was the one place she could think about not only her day, but reflect on everything that had happened in the last few years. She'd seen enough action to last her a few lifetimes and she'd endured enough pain and heartache to last her an eternity.

She sighed and got off of her bed, walked over to the sliding door that led to her balcony, and stepped out. She leaned against the railings and looked up at the sky. The stars and moon were beautiful tonight. She'd developed a sort of appreciation for them. They were a nice distraction for the slight pain in her chest. Thinking about heartache always led her thoughts to him. He had been gone a long time now. He occasionally wrote to the team, telling them what he was up to, where he'd been, the things he had seen, and of course the things he had learned. She smiled at the letters, feeling elated that Sasuke was changing his ways. And each time she'd hoped that he would be home soon. But he never came.

'_I wonder where he is right now…'_ she wondered.

She always wondered that. And she hoped he was close by. It always felt like he was close by for some reason. But it always made her smile. And though her heart ached to see him again, she smiled. She knew that unlike the last time, he would definitely return to them. And this time he would return a better man. It made her slightly giddy to think about it. What was he like now? What did he look like now? Was he finally able to find what he had been searching for?

And these thoughts would always lead her to avert her towards the gates of the village. She couldn't see them from here, but she could picture them. And though she knew he wasn't there, she could picture him walking through the gates. She eagerly anticipated that day. And then she sighed deeply. He still wasn't back…

Her hand moved to her forehead. She could remember it vividly; he had poked her, and told her that he'd see her again soon. She didn't know what he meant by the gesture. But she felt or at least hoped that it was his way of telling her to wait for him. She had done just that. But she was growing a little impatient…

'_Where are you Sasuke-kun? How much longer are you going to keep us waiting? How much longer are you going to keep me waiting? Come back soon…please?'_

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><p><em><strong>Well that was Chapter 1 everyone! Eh, could've been better in my opinion, but I tried. I hope some of you enjoyed reading this first chapter, and yes I do plan on continuing this as soon as possible! I mean the manga didn't exactly give us an explanation as to how SasuSaku happened, only that it happened. So yes, this is my explanation for it. Anyway, leave a review? Those would be greatly appreciated! This piece is particularly nerve wracking as it's my first SasuSaku. So please leave a review! Thanks so much! :* <strong>_

—_**Tough-Blossom**_


	2. Fears & Understanding

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. **_

_**A/n: December 1, 2014- Oh good lord! I literally check my email and I find that I got 20 favorites, 32 follows, and 8 (very positive) reviews just for that first chapter. Well I consider that more of an intro than an actual chapter, but did you all really like it that much? I thought I'd read the numbers wrong! Thank you so much you guys! Thank you for giving me the motivation to update this more frequently! All right here we go; yes I'll add more dialogue!**_

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><p>Sasuke hadn't seen much of civilization in over a week. He was fine with that. There was somewhere else that he needed to see first. He thought he might as well, since he was in the area. If he was going to thoroughly wipe the slate clean, he needed to see everything that he had overlooked, including the places that he had destroyed in pure callousness.<p>

The forest was growing less dense. Looking ahead, Sasuke could see the dead trees. He flinched at the sight of them. He had forgotten just how much destruction that fight had caused. He kept moving forward and soon he was surrounded completely by a dead forest. He forced himself to look at it. Sure this wasn't his doing, but it wouldn't have had to happen. Yes, this was the place where he had had his final battle with Itachi. The entire area had been destroyed. Sasuke was almost taken aback by just how much destruction had been caused to just this area. And then finally he stopped and forced himself to look. He was at the ruins of what had once been the Uchiha Hideout. He flinched at the sight of it. The entire mountain had been blown to pieces. They were ruins all right. One of the last surviving Uchiha hideouts was gone just like that.

But he looked at the ground, closed his eyes, and a painful smirk appeared on his face, "This was only a minor price for everything…"

He found himself talking to himself often. There was no one else with him. Sure it got lonely, but he was Sasuke. He'd gotten used to loneliness. However, it didn't mean that he wasn't tired of it. It would've been nice to have a companion.

He'd never admit it out loud, but he'd always secretly love having his team around, whether it would be the team from his genin days or from his days with Taka. He wouldn't deny that they were annoying as hell about 75% of the time, but he'd learned to find it amusing, even if he had never shown it.

Looking up at the rubble that had once been a hideout, he continued to hesitantly walk forward, his steps shaking slightly. If it hadn't been for his atonement, he wouldn't be here.

This place was oddly an eerie metaphor for how his life was now. It had once been a place of prestige and now it was in ruins. It was much like his reputation as well heart. He had successfully dragged himself to the ranks of the lowest of the low, and had dragged his clan's name down with him. He had done almost everything to ensure that his brother's death had been in vain. Almost. He hadn't completely screwed that up, but he knew if there would be another who would forgive him without hesitation, it would be Itachi.

Sasuke's musings were cut short by an intense pain that shot up from his arm. It was coming from his missing arm specifically. Sasuke found the pain bizarre as it felt like he still had his arm there and from time to time this pain just shot up.

'_Phantom limb…' _he remembered Sakura saying. He grimaced a bit at the term. He never liked the word phantom much. Phantom was another word for ghost. There were already too many ghosts in his life.

Yet somehow, when Sakura had said it, it didn't sound all that horrible. He'd endured worse pain, but this one was one that he'd have to carry around for the rest of his days. And in any case, once he got back to Konoha, he had a limb waiting for him. But he didn't know how long it would be before he went back there.

Sasuke looked down at where his arm once was. He sighed and leaned against a tree trunk. He remembered waking up in the hospital after returning to Konoha, the day he had decided to tread the road of redemption, his mind completely clouded and his body completely bandaged…

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><p><em>Sasuke opened his eyes and light streamed painfully into his view, forming tears. Where was he? Why couldn't he move? Oh…that's right…<em>

_He and Naruto were completely wiped out after dispelling the Infinite Tsukuyomi. That's probably why they were in the hospital right now. Sasuke turned to his left and saw what had once been his arm. It was completely bandaged even though Sakura had healed it. He didn't question it though; he had lost an arm after all. _

_He moved his head slightly. That was a bad idea. Pain shot up from his neck and he grit his teeth. He looked back at the ceiling and started contemplating. Right now his body was in pain, but that was going to pass. But what about the pain he was feeling right to his soul? The pain he hadn't realized had even been there. As soon as he realized just how far Naruto had been willing to go to save him, he'd discovered it. It was guilt, shame, and a thirst to redeem himself. But how was he going to do that? His team may have forgiven him, but what about himself? He definitely hadn't. Now he needed to find a way to do just that… _

_He heard the door open and gentle footsteps walking in. Because he couldn't move his neck, he couldn't properly see who it was, but he had a guess…_

"_I see you're awake," her voice was quiet and barely above a whisper. He turned his head ever so slightly, so he would not stress the muscles in his neck further. He gave her a very small smile. In return she nodded, giving him a smile. It wasn't her usual smile though. Her smile was deceptive as Sasuke could clearly see the pain in her eyes. Pain that she would probably never admit to. _

"_Yeah…"he answered simply. _

"_How are you feeling? Is there any pain?" she asked. Sasuke frowned internally. She was sounding less like his friend and teammate and more like a medic. He had known that she'd become a medic while he was gone, but it wasn't something that he'd gotten time to get used to. _

"_Hn, just all over. I can barely move," he admitted._

"_Are you surprised? You and Naruto are lucky to be alive after that fight. The soreness will pass in a few days. In the meantime, don't make any sudden movements and if you need something just call me or one of the nurses. Don't exert yourself, alright?" she cautioned. _

"_Hn." _

_Sakura looked down at his bandaged arm. It was time to change them. As she worked, Sasuke observed her. She was doing her best not to look directly at him. He could understand why without her having to tell him. She still cared about him, still loved him…but she had been hurt by him way too many times. He could understand her hesitancy. He had to admit that she was one of the strongest women he had ever known. Not in terms of strength, although after what he'd seen on the battle field, he wouldn't dare cross her, but how well she was holding herself. _

_And that was enough to tell him what he needed to do. He needed to leave Konoha once more. Not for good, but only until he felt that he had truly redeemed himself. _

_It killed him to see Sakura in pain and hiding it. Naruto would probably do the same thing. They would never tell him just how much he had emotionally destroyed them over the years. He had been the one to commit all of the sins and they had been left to suffer the punishment. It was truly not fair to them. Yes, his path was pretty clear to him now. _

"_Once I'm better…I'll be leaving again," he said steadily. It hurt to talk, but he needed to let them know. He refused to let them think that he was abandoning them again. _

_He saw Sakura's head shoot up and looking right at him, her eyes wide and her brows coming to together. She wasn't mad, but confused. After all they had gone through to bring him back, he wanted to leave…again? _

"_I'm not leaving for good this time…just for a while. I really messed up and I want to atone for it," he rasped out. This was physically painful for him, but he could handle it. _

"_But why do you have to leave the village? Why can't you atone for what you've done here? Sasuke-kun they've pardoned you! Naruto healed pretty fast and Kakashi-sensei has been made Hokage and they've made sure that you're not locked up. You can live here, start a new life—," she protested but Sasuke shook his head. _

_The news of his pardon was news to him, obviously. How long had he been out that even Naruto had recovered? Oh well, he'd ask about that later. But right now…_

"_I didn't just wrong Konoha and you guys, I wronged the entire world. I need to see the world and everything I missed," he quietly explained. _

"_But Sasuke-kun…" she whispered softly, desperately trying to fight back her tears. This couldn't possibly be happening right now. _

"_Sakura…" he whispered. He hoped in that whisper she understood his desperation for redemption. _

_Sakura looked at him. His face was stoic as ever but his eyes conveyed everything. There was desperation definitely, but there was another emotion in there too. She couldn't make out what it was, but she understood. She hated it. She hated how he felt like he had to do it all on his own, but she understood. And this time, at least she had the reassurance that she wasn't going to lose him again…_

_And to his great relief, she straightened herself out. And with a somewhat shaky voice she said, "You WILL come back to us…" _

_It wasn't a question, it was a command. Sasuke was a bit surprised by it, but the girl who was in front of him was not quite the girl he remembered from his genin days anymore. That was always a relief. He nodded his head. _

"_Good…" she answered. Her tone betrayed no emotion. And inwardly Sasuke smiled. At least he had the reassurance that at the end of the road he was taking, there would always be someone to welcome him back…_

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><p>Sasuke smiled at the memory for just a few seconds before smacking himself mentally. Damn it, he thought. Why was Sakura on his mind so much? Yes she was one of the only women besides his mother that he cared about, but she was constantly on his mind now. Yes, he had thought about the others, but the fact that she seemed to hog the majority of his thoughts, disturbed him greatly. He couldn't afford to feel this way right now, especially when he was nowhere near forgiving himself.<p>

He took his back off of the tree trunk and turned around. He didn't know how even a place like this had brought back memories of Sakura. It was too morbid. This is the place where his brother had died. This was the place where his quest for vengeance had taken a darker turn. She had no place in any of that.

But yet, she remained in his thoughts, refusing to leave. It was making it that much harder for him.

'_How annoying…'_he thought as he pulled the hood of his cloak on. He turned around and began walking back into the forest. And as he did so, he hoped that finally, he exhausted his mind sufficiently to keep it off of Konoha, Naruto, Kakashi, and most of all Sakura for a while…

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><p>Sakura's shift at the hospital had been extended that day. She didn't mind that very much, she was more than happy to be there. It helped keep her mind off of everything else and on top of everything it gave her satisfaction. But right now she was in the laboratory. There was some blood work that needed to be done and the hospital staff was shorthanded today.<p>

It didn't take too long, but now she just had to wait for the results. With the recent boom in technology, lab results didn't take too long to get, but she still had to stay there and wait a while. She leaned against the counter and just casually looked around the room. There was really nothing else there, but her eyes stopped at one particular object. It was a case, but she frowned because she knew exactly what was in there.

Sasuke had left before his prosthetic arm could be finished, so Tsunade kept it locked in here. No one but the hospital staff had access to the lab anyway, but only Sakura knew what it was. She looked at the case sadly.

It was just another reminder that Sasuke was still gone. He hadn't written in a while and she was beginning to get worried. Did something happen? Was he all right? Was he in any kind of danger? Sakura shook her head. No she couldn't afford to think like that. She'd have to keep her faith in Sasuke. She wouldn't allow that to waiver.

But that didn't make the dull ache in her heart disappear either. The thought of him may have made her smile more often than not, but it caused her a world of pain as well. Any sensible person would know that someone who causes you so much pain and heartbreak wasn't worth the tears, but she couldn't really help it. Her love for him only seemed to increase. And to add to that, she didn't regret it.

"Sakura?" Sakura snapped out of her thoughts as her eyes made contact with Tsunade.

"Shishou! I didn't hear you walk in, I just…" Sakura was flustered and ashamed that she had allowed herself to become distracted so easily. She hated being careless, especially because of the field she worked in.

"It's quite all right, nothing's wrong, I just saw you looking at the case and I wanted to see if you were okay," Tsunade answered, adding a hint of tenderness to her tone.

"Oh I was just…" Sakura trailed off, she didn't know quite what to say.

"You don't have to explain anything to me. I understand perfectly," she replied. She put a hand on her pupil's shoulder. She understood full well the pain that love brought, even if Sakura's situation was entirely different from hers.

"I'm just…afraid," Sakura confessed. She didn't talk about her fears often and when she did, it was when she needed advice.

"Afraid for Sasuke? Afraid that you might lose him to the darkness again?" Tsunade rubbed Sakura's shoulder as she nodded her head gently.

"Sakura, I know you already know this, but you need to keep your faith strong. Sasuke left to make himself a better person for himself and for the world. I know you believe that he can come back a stronger, better man. Just stay true to that. Believe in the man that you love. Trust me, it may not seem like much now, but I know just by looking at you that your love is strong and true. Just be a little more patient," Tsunade smiled as she said it. She knew Sakura didn't need to hear those words from her, but she knew it would make Sakura happy to hear them. A little reaffirmation never hurt.

Sakura smiled, "Thank you, shishou. That's exactly what I needed to hear."

It was true that it was what she wanted to hear. But more than anything, she just wanted to know if Sasuke was all right and staying true to his resolve. No, she needed to watch herself there. Of course he was staying true to it. Sasuke never faltered or changed direction easily. He didn't do it in all the time that she had known him, and he would definitely not do it now. Especially when so much was already at stake for him.

She reached her hand up to her shoulder and grabbed Tsunade's hand. There were still a lot of fears as far as Sasuke was concerned. But Tsunade was right. She understood what he was doing and she couldn't give into her worries. It would be the last thing she, her comrades, and most importantly Sasuke needed right now. She would continue to patiently wait. And she smiled as a new feeling blossomed inside of her. That feeling? She felt that she was going to see Sasuke soon. Her gut had rarely ever been wrong, but for once, she believed that it was fully correct.

'_Soon I hope…soon…'_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 2 everyone! Okay I'll admit, I'm actually getting a real kick out of writing for Sasuke. He's always been a challenge to write for, and I love a challenge! But yeah, I think this story needs to be a little more angsty as this is my version of how SasuSaku came to be. Anyway, thanks for all the positive feedback you guys! I really didn't expect to see that many favorites and follows! As usual, review please? Helps me know what I need to improve upon as well as what I should keep doing since it is my first SasuSaku fic! Thanks! :*<strong>_

—_**Tough-Blossom**_


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